Comments on: honoring our kids’ first families http://www.kimberlycreative.com/2009/12/25/honoring-our-kids-first-families/ writing | editing | fostering creativity Fri, 03 Feb 2012 06:38:05 +0000 hourly 1 By: kimberlycreates http://www.kimberlycreative.com/2009/12/25/honoring-our-kids-first-families/#comment-947 kimberlycreates Wed, 16 Mar 2011 21:07:54 +0000 http://www.kimberlycreative.com/?p=186#comment-947 Thanks so much, Rita. Thanks for the tweets too! Thanks so much, Rita. Thanks for the tweets too!

]]> By: Rita Brennan Freay http://www.kimberlycreative.com/2009/12/25/honoring-our-kids-first-families/#comment-946 Rita Brennan Freay Tue, 15 Mar 2011 21:47:54 +0000 http://www.kimberlycreative.com/?p=186#comment-946 LOVE your post! Great insight for anyone in contact with foster kids...will pass this information on...I think everyone can benefit from it! I might have to refer to this blog in a post or video of my own:) Love the color coding wrapping too...will be doing that! @Lisa also love the 3G's....fantastic!!! Rita Brennan Freay @Rita4kids ritabrennanfreay.com LOVE your post! Great insight for anyone in contact with foster kids…will pass this information on…I think everyone can benefit from it! I might have to refer to this blog in a post or video of my own:) Love the color coding wrapping too…will be doing that! @Lisa also love the 3G’s….fantastic!!!

Rita Brennan Freay
@Rita4kids
ritabrennanfreay.com

]]> By: kimberlycreates http://www.kimberlycreative.com/2009/12/25/honoring-our-kids-first-families/#comment-941 kimberlycreates Sun, 27 Feb 2011 03:49:25 +0000 http://www.kimberlycreative.com/?p=186#comment-941 Thanks Sunday! Thanks Sunday!

]]> By: Sundayk http://www.kimberlycreative.com/2009/12/25/honoring-our-kids-first-families/#comment-940 Sundayk Sat, 26 Feb 2011 17:54:58 +0000 http://www.kimberlycreative.com/?p=186#comment-940 "Never, ever bad-mouth your kids’ first families to your children, even if your children are doing it themselves. While our kids are figuring out who they are, their identities are still strongly bound to their first families; if you bad-mouth your children’s first family, you might as well be bad-mouthing your children.". - just like in the case of divorce, it is not ok. It is a tough balancing act to help children processes their experiences and feelings about their families without engaging or inserting your own feelings, but if you can do it, that is a great benefit to your kids. It is not a parenting competition. And just like in the case of divorce, it is usually the parent that insists on making it one who loses the respect of their children. Great post, I'm gonna link! (Commenting on my phone so please excuse any errors ; ). ) “Never, ever bad-mouth your kids’ first families to your children, even if your children are doing it themselves. While our kids are figuring out who they are, their identities are still strongly bound to their first families; if you bad-mouth your children’s first family, you might as well be bad-mouthing your children.”. – just like in the case of divorce, it is not ok. It is a tough balancing act to help children processes their experiences and feelings about their families without engaging or inserting your own feelings, but if you can do it, that is a great benefit to your kids. It is not a parenting competition. And just like in the case of divorce, it is usually the parent that insists on making it one who loses the respect of their children.

Great post, I’m gonna link!

(Commenting on my phone so please excuse any errors ; ). )
Sundayk recently posted…Washington’s Real Birthday

]]> By: kimberlycreates http://www.kimberlycreative.com/2009/12/25/honoring-our-kids-first-families/#comment-884 kimberlycreates Wed, 26 Jan 2011 22:28:31 +0000 http://www.kimberlycreative.com/?p=186#comment-884 That's very thoughtful -- especially if he's expressed hurt over hearing stuff like that. It's a tough thing. I grew up an only child, in a family where everybody has a strong resemblance to somebody...except for me. I noticed as I got older that I would get angry or jealous or sad when I heard family and extended family talking about which kid looked like which grand -- but at the same time, I didn't want to take that away from them, so I never said anything. They obviously took a lot of comfort and joy in these family resemblances, and I didn't want to take that away from them...but it did make me feel sad too at the same time. There is so much that non-adoptees take for granted -- it's very thoughtful of you to try to be aware of that. That’s very thoughtful — especially if he’s expressed hurt over hearing stuff like that. It’s a tough thing. I grew up an only child, in a family where everybody has a strong resemblance to somebody…except for me. I noticed as I got older that I would get angry or jealous or sad when I heard family and extended family talking about which kid looked like which grand — but at the same time, I didn’t want to take that away from them, so I never said anything. They obviously took a lot of comfort and joy in these family resemblances, and I didn’t want to take that away from them…but it did make me feel sad too at the same time. There is so much that non-adoptees take for granted — it’s very thoughtful of you to try to be aware of that.

]]> By: wannabe http://www.kimberlycreative.com/2009/12/25/honoring-our-kids-first-families/#comment-879 wannabe Wed, 26 Jan 2011 03:04:19 +0000 http://www.kimberlycreative.com/?p=186#comment-879 I forget when talking about my family to zero, my boyfriend, that he didn't have a family, so when i say things like "A (sister) is annoying" or "I (brother) gets on my nerves" or "grandma asks too many questions" he doesn't have that. i've been trying to be more concious about what i say to him about that stuff, don't wanna hurt him :( I forget when talking about my family to zero, my boyfriend, that he didn’t have a family, so when i say things like “A (sister) is annoying” or “I (brother) gets on my nerves” or “grandma asks too many questions” he doesn’t have that. i’ve been trying to be more concious about what i say to him about that stuff, don’t wanna hurt him :(

]]> By: kimberlycreates http://www.kimberlycreative.com/2009/12/25/honoring-our-kids-first-families/#comment-3 kimberlycreates Sun, 27 Dec 2009 23:24:02 +0000 http://www.kimberlycreative.com/?p=186#comment-3 Lisa, Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment, for sharing this link, and especially for your kind words. I'd be thrilled to keep in touch, and am very interested in the resource you're creating. I'll send you an e-mail shortly. Best, Kim Lisa,
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment, for sharing this link, and especially for your kind words. I’d be thrilled to keep in touch, and am very interested in the resource you’re creating. I’ll send you an e-mail shortly.
Best,
Kim

]]> By: Lisa Dickson http://www.kimberlycreative.com/2009/12/25/honoring-our-kids-first-families/#comment-2 Lisa Dickson Sun, 27 Dec 2009 21:54:16 +0000 http://www.kimberlycreative.com/?p=186#comment-2 Kimberly, I stumbled across your posting online, and am in the process of sharing it with members of the national foster care (including adoptees!!) community. I love what you wrote! As a former foster child who "aged out" of foster care back in the 80's and founder of the Ohio chapter of Foster Care Alumni of America, I've learned so much from the adoptee members of our state chapter. They've talked to me about the 3 Gs: "grief, guilt and gratitude." Grief over the loss of their bio families, gratitude to their adoptive families, and guilt for not being able to express their loss (out of fear that it might threaten their adoptive parents). This all adds up to feeling conflicted. Your honest communication and sage advice to other adoptive parents is right-on. I particularly appreciate the word "honor" that you used. So much so that I would like to ask if I may stay in touch with you regarding creating an online resource for teen/young adult adoptees in the future, Lisa Dickson Founder & Communications Chair Foster Care Alumni of America Ohio chapter www.fcaa-oh.org Kimberly,

I stumbled across your posting online, and am in the process of sharing it with members of the national foster care (including adoptees!!) community.

I love what you wrote!

As a former foster child who “aged out” of foster care back in the 80′s and founder of the Ohio chapter of Foster Care Alumni of America, I’ve learned so much from the adoptee members of our state chapter.

They’ve talked to me about the 3 Gs: “grief, guilt and gratitude.” Grief over the loss of their bio families, gratitude to their adoptive families, and guilt for not being able to express their loss (out of fear that it might threaten their adoptive parents). This all adds up to feeling conflicted.

Your honest communication and sage advice to other adoptive parents is right-on. I particularly appreciate the word “honor” that you used.

So much so that I would like to ask if I may stay in touch with you regarding creating an online resource for teen/young adult adoptees in the future,

Lisa Dickson
Founder & Communications Chair
Foster Care Alumni of America Ohio chapter
http://www.fcaa-oh.org

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